Life at the bottom of La Liga: Xerez CD

Having enjoyed the trials and tribulations of a relegation season with Real Zaragoza in 2007/2008, I decided this year I would join the Xerez Club Deportivo bandwagon. They almost got relegated to the third division of Spanish football in 2008 but, incredibly, stormed to the second division title ahead of Real Zaragoza the following year and were set to enjoy their first ever year in La Liga since they were founded in 1947. A small club with a small, but passionately loyal, set of fans. A small stadium and an even smaller budget. It was Cheltenham Town all over again.

Life is tough at the top

Over the summer they made the astute move of parting company with their most successful manager ever, Esteban Vigo, as they were not willing to give him more than a one year contract. Then the season started and the reality of the situation dawned. It took them five games to get a point. In the sixth they scored their first goal, one of the scrappiest you'll ever see. And only on Sunday just gone did they get their first away goal in a 5-1 defeat at Getafe, and it was hardly a scorcher either. Four goals in twelve matches, 21 conceded. Not a fantastic return on my investment. But in many ways this is a far more fulfilling experience than that which I enjoyed with Zaragoza. This is proper grassroots, but at the highest level. An absurd mix.

 Estadio Chapin: Spanish footballs new fortress

I sit next to an 80 year old lady who seems to know more about football than anyone on the planet. I get continually showered in sunflower seed shells from above. There is the widest athletics track in the world between me and the pitch. And the area where I sit, which is one of the more expensive parts of the stadium, is a temporary scaffolding structure. They knew they weren't going to be around for long. You still cannot buy one of the new shirts that came out four months ago in the club shop, and their 'training ground' is a patch of grass that wouldn't even be worthy of a school side in the UK. I had a kick around on it last summer (!) and it even has those large, rock-solid patches of mud in both penalty areas. Even the kids at Glenn Hoddle's Academy down the road have far better facilities.

Biggest belly in football?

But it's fantastic. The atmosphere is electric every match. We get treated to a brass band who march around the athletics track every half time beating out some football classics. The whole team is made up of loanees and locals. The goalie, Renan, is Peter Schmeichel one minute and Massimo Taibi the next. David Prieto is one of the slowest defenders you'll ever see. Sidi Keita, a midfielder on loan from Lens, believes the art of tackling lies simply in running into people. They have a player with perhaps the finest nickname in football. Antoñito: 'The Romario of the Industrial Estate'.  And then there is Emilio Viqueira. Perhaps the most naturally gifted player in the squad, but with an equally gifted belly to boot. A modern day Jan Molby.

Barca beating?

Tomorrow Barcelona are coming to town; the hollywood fixture. Unbelievably I have had to pay an extra €55 for the privilege of sitting in my own seat. The swines. But it will be worth it, to see one of the biggest mismatches La Liga has ever witnessed. The Spanish FA have even forwarded kick-off until after the 9pm watershed, which is thoughtful of them because it could be a riot. So spare a thought for little Xerez tomorrow at 10pm, because against Messi and company things could get nasty.